Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Each New Years I am Reminded

The anniversary of my late husbands death is once again approaching. It will be four years and to me is still in-a-way an unreal, foggy, uncertain truth. Death feels this way to us survivors so that we may cope and mentally continue to survive. Emotionally, our pain becomes alive through tears and rage. I remember being told that the pain never goes away, yet each passing day "it" gets easier. This is true, surprisingly I never thought I would overcome the overwhelming feelings that came with the loss of my best friend and lovers life here. Still I will miss him always, I think of him at least once a day and this comes with having mutual children, that not only bring him up, and sometimes do things or give certain looks that resemble him. This continues to make me smile! I will never regret the choices I made of being with Jesse for a third of my life (as of my current age now *giggle*), but do wonder whats in store for me as the Ball of the New Year slides down that pole; 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1~Hooray or Nay?! I am both apprehensive and excited to start a new year and feel more optimistic and happy this time around, unlike the last three. It's empowering to know I've come this far and motivating to thrive for so much more; I cannot wait to show the world who I really am and what I really am capable of...hope my head isn't to swollen over this. Oh well, really I am just me, but with all I've been through I have been hiding in a sense from the world far too long in a fog. Time for me to step out into the sunshine. As well, I wish everyone the best for the New Year trolling in! Thank you for reading my blog!

xo, Jessica Luke

2 comments:

  1. Bless you Jessica.
    You are a great mother and an inspiration
    to all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bless you! Sorry it took me 5 years to reply x

      Delete

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