My Loving Family 2016

Holy Wahnanza! So much has changed since my last time on this site!

UPTO SPEED FOR Y'ALL Seven years have passed since Jesse had left this dimension. Time slips away so fast. Our children are now 9 and 11. Currently, I have a fiance and have been blessed with more children! Five children and with a man I love. It is against what I thought my life path was taking me. I thought that I would never want to date again and that my full concentration was on my kids. But six months after my love left I met Cody. I decided to stay friends for a couple years before we decided to date. This gave me the chance to heal completely and not use him as a "re-bound" of any sorts. One thing I despise is lies of the heart. So, to date again I had to be whole again by my self. Anyone who has lost a love, has a fear of repeat, and has a fear of walking that "chanced" road once again. Cheers to REAL love, it is worth a moment of bliss. To that I say Love is worth it. In other words, Love is worth the Loss even if it is a moment's time. In a mind it can last a lifetime. Love is inspiring to a Happy life. But I felt this just by meeting Cody. I did not physically have to be with him. He made me happy just knowing him. Definitely, I feel blessed in Love. It is nice that he respects what I have been through, and allows me and my children to express our sorrows freely about our loss of Jesse. Seven years ago I did not feel so "lucky" as I lost the love of my life at 30 years old. Oddly, I feel quite aged in someways, and quite young in others. We do not choose the lessons thrown at us in life. But we do choose how to cope and grow from them. If anyone out there ever needs someone to talk to about their loss or healing I am here to listen just comment and I will comment back. Bless you all with an amazing day and love for the New Year!!

Each New Years I am Reminded

The anniversary of my late husbands death is once again approaching. It will be four years and to me is still in-a-way an unreal, foggy, uncertain truth. Death feels this way to us survivors so that we may cope and mentally continue to survive. Emotionally, our pain becomes alive through tears and rage. I remember being told that the pain never goes away, yet each passing day "it" gets easier. This is true, surprisingly I never thought I would overcome the overwhelming feelings that came with the loss of my best friend and lovers life here. Still I will miss him always, I think of him at least once a day and this comes with having mutual children, that not only bring him up, and sometimes do things or give certain looks that resemble him. This continues to make me smile! I will never regret the choices I made of being with Jesse for a third of my life (as of my current age now *giggle*), but do wonder whats in store for me as the Ball of the New Year slides down that pole; 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1~Hooray or Nay?! I am both apprehensive and excited to start a new year and feel more optimistic and happy this time around, unlike the last three. It's empowering to know I've come this far and motivating to thrive for so much more; I cannot wait to show the world who I really am and what I really am capable of...hope my head isn't to swollen over this. Oh well, really I am just me, but with all I've been through I have been hiding in a sense from the world far too long in a fog. Time for me to step out into the sunshine. As well, I wish everyone the best for the New Year trolling in! Thank you for reading my blog!

xo, Jessica Luke

After Awhile

Seems just like yesterday, yet at the same time so far away. It is beyond me what I must learn, what I must do to progress through this life of mine. So strange that in one millionth of one second an entire life can change. Yes I am stronger, but remain in a state of nostalgia. It is unclear to me the purpose of this. I have hopes and dreams. I am happy. Yet, who am I anymore other than mommy?? Re-discovering at my age,32, not sure my peers feel the same. Just have to set my focus...get out of this dream fantasy in my mind and re-invent myself. Anyone who has lost someone so close to them and burdened with so much responsibility afterward at the same time could relate I am sure. Just not as common, I guess.

Even In A State of Poverty

Financially, I have a huge ladder to climb. Yet, even in my state of poverty I find small solutions everyday. I am super excited to share some tips of mine with you. As you know, I am raising three young children on my own. That said here are a list of just a few tips I have:

1. Local libraries have many free programs for you and your children, take advantage!! My children love it. Not to mention the obvious benefits of reading with and to your kids. I have all my children in the "Make A Splash" summer reading program through The Peter White Public Library.

2. I sign up for free samples online all the time!! It is quite simple and addicting! As another bonus coupons usually accompany the sample, which is mailed to you and all you pay is time for this. I tend to do this when my children are asleep.

3. I take advantage of sales and coupons when I grocery shop. I get coupons mailed to me from a local grocery store. The coupon booklet helps you save even more on featured sale items. I love this!! Although,I want to add I do not buy products just because they are on sale, I stick to what we really consume.

4. Sometimes I make meatless meals, for example a taco salad made with black beans rather than burger. This saves money and is healthier. Also, I use ground turkey in spaghetti dishes which is also less expensive and beneficial to your health and delicious.

5. I keep an eye open for free or very little cost events going in our local area as well as near by areas. There are almost too many during the summer months! A little trickier during our winter months. Going to the beach, parks, and hiking is only the cost of gas in my vehicle and we are fortunate to be relatively close to most of these spots.

6. I go to a local food bank to help keep food in my cupboards. This helps because my budget is extremely tight and you have to do what is needed for your family. Do not be ashamed of this! One day, I hope to give back to all the programs that are currently helping me.

7. When my children outgrow toys and clothing I usually donate them to either families in need or the local St. Vincent De Paul Store. I receive clothes from other families as well. Giving anything back I can feels wonderful!


8. Discontinue buying for brand names sake! I have learned that some products are even better than their competing brand rivals. Beware, just because it isn't brand name does not make it cheaper..always look at prices.

9. If I cannot pay all my bills in a month they are due, I pay on them whatever I can. It is much better to make a partial payment than no payment at all for two reasons: A. Companies prefer this
B. You will not get "as behind"

This is just a small sample of what I do; I will be to sure to add more tips here and there in the future. Hope this was helpful for all ya and any questions feel free to e-mail me or comment and I will try to reply asap. Good day wishes to all reading my blogs and thank you :)

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Endurance

It has been a year and half since my husband Jesse died. Wow, so long ago and at the same time feels just like yesterday. A journey it has been for my children and myself. Some moments I still cry, but damn does it feels great to be alive. I have never appreciated just the joy of being alive this much in my entire life. Thus, it goes on and on. My hope is that I share the best of life with my children and am nothing less of a positive entity to all those I encounter. So many have asked me how do I do it...to sum it up you do because you have to. Beyond that I am quite spiritual, mostly eat with optimal nutrition, exercise regularly, and enjoy all the little moments in life. Giggle, and oh yes with my three beautiful and quite active young children I have so many delightful moments! Cheers to wonderful moments to all my followers in this day :)

Money is tight..

We've all been there, okay I'm still here. Really though I need to make some changes to improve my financial situation and it is an urgent feeling inside me that will not go away. A deep desire to ensure safety and security for myself and my three little cherubs smiling up at me. I do not feel sorry for myself, rather I feel positive that I can do it and I will. Determination and faith, now I just need a plan. That is what I am currently working on. Wishing all my readers wellness!

A Little Rhyme For Jesse I wrote in September

DEDICATED TO JESSE:

TRY TO TELL YOUR STORY,
GIVE YOU SOME GLORY.
ALL YOU WANTED TO DO WAS MAKE AN IMPACT, N FIGHT BACK
WITH NICENESS,
NO TEARS, NO FEARS, GOTTA BOTTLE UP YOUR SHORT YEARS.
mY POOR HUNNI, I FELT SO SAD FOR YOU.
ALL THE PAIN OF THE WORLD STRICKING AT YOU.
BUT YOU WERE A SOLDIER, FIGHTIN SO HARD
AGAINST CANCER,
N I TRIED TO FIND AN ANSWER.
EVEN TOGETHER WE COULDN'T WIN
THIS BATTLE.
NEW YEARS EVE WAS MY LAST NIGHT WITH YOU, MY JESSE..BOO
JANUARY 2ND, 2009,
I TOOK YOUR HAND N YOU TOOK MINE N WE KNEW IT WAS TIME,
AS YOU PUT IT "...TO MOVE FOWARD..."
AND WHAT HAPPENS NOBODY TELLS YOU,
IT'S A DOUBLE-EDGE SWORD.
TO LEAVE THE PAIN OF THIS WORLD,
YOU GOTTA ENDURE EVEN MORE!
BLINDED BY DARKNESS N STRUCK WITH FEAR & WONDERING WHICH DOOR? WHICH DOOR?
WHY OH WHY I HAD TO HELP YOU DIE.
AS HARD AS IT WAS, I AM THANKFUL
I GOT TO BE BY YOUR SIDE.
I AM GRATEFUL, TO GAVE A LITTLE COMFORT N PRAY FOR YOU &
SAY ITS OKAY, FIND THE LIGHT
GO ON YOUR JOURNEY...
ME N THE KIDS WILL BE ALRIGHT.
LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT

ALWAYS N FOREVER.
LOVE N MISS YOU JESSE.

JESSICA

Busy December

The beginning of December. Awe, what a feeling I get throughout this month. My children are so excited; "is it Christmas yet??" I remember that feeling. Yet, its creeping up on a year anniversary of my husband Jesse's death. I don't know how to feel, I want to be happy for my children and it can be hard when I start missing Jesse. We set up our Christmas tree and I have different crafts and activities planned in my mind for the kids. I guess I will just go with the flow because I am not the only one who gets sad about Jesse, so does my son Jacob. He was just old enough to remember his Daddy and now inquires and talks about him pretty much on a daily basis. I think it is healthy and I try to do the best I can to give him age approriate answers. Well, I see the sun peering through the grey clouds outside my window; that is always an inspiration to me. Time for me to bring my son Jace to school. I'll have to come back tonight! Thanks for reading my blogs : )

Jessica

A Poem

Life is a treasure
that i cannot measure
it is not a summary
its many moments combined
some i hate
some i love
I wouldn't take back any
of mine.

I'm exhausted today...

It was a normal morning except I had to go sign up for WIC, yet that took a little over an hour. I just feel extra tired today for some reason. These are the roughest days, but still have to do what you got to. Unfortunately, it is only 5:50 because I cannot wait until bedtime! My kids are all watching noggin, atleast they're all being okay. Well, have to go make dinner for my hungry angels. I will be back, no worries!

Ms.Jessica Luke

Another Day

Well, got up at 7 am with all three of my kids and changed two diapers and got water for my son Jacob. Made some oatmeal with cinnamon and vanilla and peeled about five yellow apples. Immediately, my cherubs are super hungry so before I am even fully awake I'm on it! Turn the t.v. to try and stall their rumbling bellies while I try to hurry and cook, than I realize I still need to make my morning trip to the bathroom! I wish I had instant energy like them right when I woke up. After breakfast got to start my new workout, had to buy a video since workouts are no longer posted on demand, darn it I love free things! Yeah, got stick tightly to my super strict budget when possible. Gotta be smart about every single cent literally. Really I take advantage of all free things I can. For example, couple of weeks ago I brought my kids to a car dealership because they had a racecar driver there and free hot dogs, chips, potato salad, water and pop. Doesn't get better than that. My kids loved it and I didn't have to make dinner or wash dishes that night : ) Also, they got to see two racecars up close and got posters signed. That was definately worth our time. Anyways, during my workout my daughter Josilyn was standing in front of me and she kept lifting her legs trying to work out, too. She is so precious at just twenty months she amazes me. I love all three of my cherubs. Jacob mostly played games on the computer and Jace built multitudes of train tracks for hours. It was a typical Sunday. A lot of playing, eating and cleaning. Oh, almost forgot to mention Jace is going through potty training. Unfortunately, that came with two messes on the floor, icka, but it's a start. That was the highlight of my day, okay not really, but one of many.
Well, I'm ready to blast off to the land of dreams...sweet dreams everyone!

Ms.Jessica Luke

My very first blog...yeah!

Welcome to my Blogger Spot! I am so happy to be alive and to be blessed with three amazingly energetic very young children. But as a widow and single mom it can be quite the challenge. Nothing is impossible, that is what I tell myself everyday. Actually, I tell myself tons of positive little quotes as my kids are thrashing around the living room and dumping out there tubs of toys and bowls of cereal. I love them so much; they are my top reason for wanting to be alive. So, when I want to pull my hair out or scream I try to take a moment and remember to look at their smiling faces filled with true joy and I think as an adult we all want that smile and to be filled with true happiness just like that. So, to be truely happy just take atleast a half hour everyday to "play" whatever it is you want to; this alone has definately helped me. My choices of play include, to name a few: watching t.v., renting a movie, working out, taking a drive, dancing around to music, and drawing random doodles. Most of my "playtime" happens after my children are softly dreaming in their beds. Definately, I recommend this to everyone! Keeps me happy and smiling. Well, good night for now.